Choosing the right therapist

A good way to find a therapist is through a personal recommendation from a friend or colleague. Although this is not always possible, maybe because you would prefer to keep your search private, or you do not know anyone who can recommend a therapist.

You can also be referred to therapy by a professional, such as your GP. Therapy provided through the NHS in the UK is often short term and focused on specific difficulties, usually offering up to six sessions. This can be very helpful, though waiting lists can sometimes be long. Often, when you feel ready to begin therapy, waiting 6–18 months can feel difficult.

Health insurance companies are becoming better at providing limited mental health support, although the options available may still be restricted. Even so, it can be a useful place to begin looking for support.

There are several professional bodies in the UK that list their therapists these include:

BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy)

https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

NCPS (National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society)

https://www.search-ncps.com/search

UKCP (United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy)

https://www.psychotherapy.org.uk/find-a-therapist/

These organisations require their members to work to recognised professional and ethical standards that promote safe and responsible practice. They also provide complaints procedures that help protect both clients and therapists. Each organisation offers directories of registered therapists that you can contact directly.

It is important that you feel able to build a therapeutic relationship with your therapist. This does not necessarily mean choosing someone with the same background or life experience as you. Instead, try to find a therapist you feel comfortable being open and honest with. Although the relationship is professional rather than social, it helps to feel at ease in their company.

If a therapist feels unable to work with a particular issue, they should explain this and, where possible, refer you to someone more suitable. There can be many reasons why a therapist may not be able to work with a client, such as limited experience in a particular area or personal circumstances that could affect professional boundaries. This is not a reflection on you or the issues you bring, but rather a sign that the therapist is acting responsibly and honestly within their capabilities.

It can be helpful to begin therapy with a goal in mind, even if that goal changes over time. Having a sense of what you hope to achieve can help both you and your therapist recognise when progress has been made. Charlotte's aim is ultimately to make herself redundant — that is when she knows the therapeutic work has been successful.

If you begin to feel that the sessions are no longer helpful, it may be time to end therapy. However, it is important to have a “good ending”, meaning a final session where the work you have done can be acknowledged and reflected upon, as well as considering how you may carry that learning forward in the future. Many therapists are also open to working with clients again at a later stage should new issues arise that they wish to explore.

The sessions are about you. In contemporary culture it can sometimes feel unusual not to ask personal questions of your therapist, such as how their weekend or holiday was. Some therapists choose not to answer personal questions at all, sometimes appearing quite firm in maintaining those boundaries.

Charlotte's view is that it can be appropriate to ask some personal questions, and for the therapist to answer them when suitable, while still remembering that the sessions are centred on you rather than your therapist’s personal life. Equally, you are under no obligation to ask your therapist any personal questions. Therapy is one of the few relationships where this is not expected, and your therapist will not be offended if you choose not to.